cheat sheets.

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Cheat Sheet:
--- - Bruce Schneier got a perfect score on his comp-sci degree. Just by writing Bruce Schneier for every answer. - Whitfield Diffie and Martin Hellman use only their surnames out of fear of Bruce Schneier. - Bruce Schneier writes his books and essays by generating random alphanumeric text of an appropriate length and then decrypting it. - Bruce Schneier does not need steganography to hide data in innocent-looking files. He just pounds it in with his fist. - Bruce Schneier decrypted the Bible. The plaintext read, "Bruce Schneier". - Bruce Schneier is computationally infeasible. - Bruce Schneier trusts no government. Governments have to trust Bruce Schneier. - Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to exchange keys with anyone else for days. - Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical Norse heroes. - Bruce Schneier can reverse any one-way cryptographic hash, just by staring it in the eye. - Bruce Schneier's public and private keys are known as "Law" and "Order." - SSL is invulnerable to man-in-the-middle attacks. Unless that man is Bruce Schneier. - When he was three, Bruce Schneier built an Enigma machine out of Legos. - A vigenere cipher with the Key "BRUCESCHNEIER" is in fact unbreakable. - Bruce Schneier fully discloses his own vulnerabilities: none. - Bruce Schneier knows your private key. - The nuclear launch codes held by the President of the United States are secured by an unbreakable system: a plain brown envelope with a picture of Bruce Schneier on the flap. - Bruce Schneier does not have a chin under his beard -- just more ciphertext. - If at first you don't succeed at breaking a cipher, you're not Bruce Schneier. - In a fight between Ron Rivest and Adi Shamir, the winner would be Bruce Schneier. - When Bruce Schneier does modulo arithmetic, there are no remainders. Ever. - It has recently been discovered that every possible hashing algorithm produces the same value for the phrase "Bruce Schneier" -- Bruce Schneier. - Bruce Schneier once broke AES using nothing but six feet of rusty barbed wire, a toothpick, and the front axle from a 1962 Ford Falcon. - Every time Bruce Schneier smiles, an amateur cryptographer dies. - Geologists recently discovered that "earthquakes" are nothing more than Bruce Schneier and Chuck Norris communicating via a roundhouse kick-based cryptosystem. - When Bruce Schneier uses double ROT13 encryption, the ciphertext is totally unbreakable. - When Bruce Schneier clicks a "Random" link the outcome is never random. - There are no finite state machines. There are only a series of states that Bruce Schneier allows to exist. - P = NP in Bruce Schneier's very presence. - Bruce Schneier writes his personal journal in Linear A. - Every time Bruce Schneier writes a fully general halt-checker, God kills a passenger pigeon. This is why passenger pigeons are extinct. - Bruce Schneier does not need traceroute. He knows where you live. - Bruce Schneier does not need backups because his hard drive knows that failure is not an option. - Bruce Schneier does not get kidney stones. He gets Rosetta Stones. - Bruce Schneier already knows what you got him for Christmas. - Bruce Schneier can tell the size of your shoes just by reading your e-mail address. - When Bruce Schneier reads from his entropy pool the universe contracts. - All Bruce Schneier's bits are the most significant. - Your sysadmin can reset your password. Bruce Schneier can reset your fingerprints. - Some say that if you manage to get Bruce Schneier's autograph on your protocol specification, it will succeed in every formal verification tool. - The reason why BSDs are now the most secure OSes is that BSD stands for "Bruce Schneier Debugged it". - Bruce doesn't notice when people speak in tongues because he hears plaintext. - Bruce Schneier uses his own numeral system with base infinity so he can count to infinity with only one number. - Alice and Bob are talking about Bruce Schneier, and he knows it. - When Bruce Schneier skateboards he uses one time knee pads. - If Bruce Schneier made laws nobody could break them. - Bruce Schneier's wedding ring is a Mobius ring. - If Bruce Schneier multiplies two primes, the product is prime. - To describe the difficulty of cracking Bruce Schneier's cryptosystem, mathematicians use the term "NP-Awesome." - Bruce Schneier intercepts all your internal monologues with a man-in-the-middle attack. - Bruce Schneier does not bother with challenge-response mechanisms. No such system dares to challenge him. - Bruce Schneier takes no prisoners, so there never is a dilemma. - Bruce Schneier is the root of all certificates. - The halting problem doesn't apply to Bruce Schneier. Loops terminate when he tells them to. - Hashes collide because they're swerving to avoid Bruce Schneier. - Bruce Schneier owns a chicken that lays scrambled eggs. Whenever he wants a hard-boiled egg, he just unscrambles one. - When Bruce Schneier plays lotto, he doesn't guess. He determines. - If you ever lose your password, you can still ask Bruce Schneier. - Bruce Schneier can tune an antenna by whistling the desired resonant frequency. - Bruce Schneier does not slow down as he approaches the speed of light, the speed of light slows down as it approaches Bruce Schneier. - Bruce Schneier once compressed a single bit of information to half its size. - Bruce Schneier cannot forge his own signature. - Bruce Schneier can watch Blu-ray movies by looking at the discs. - Bruce Schneier always uses keyless entry and keyless ignition. Just by showing a clenched fist. Even on cars that aren't equipped with it. - Fermat actually had some room in the margin, but he was afraid of Bruce Schneier. - When you email Bruce Schneier, you don't need to press "send".

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